Matt sent out an email to me and Charlene titled “thoughts on protocol and how to work together” but really it’s a five page letter (yes five, I put it in Word… single spaced.) about “reasons why Katie is an asshole who can’t do anything right.”
I am a 19 year old female (not transgender or genderqueer but I do support the community) and I shaved my head this summer because I hate fixing my hair and such. Anyways, I work at a summer camp with 3-5 year olds. Most days I wear a hat to prevent getting a sunburn, but a few days ago I left it…
But Jenny is the craziest bitch everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Possibly my least favorite Jenny moment? Excluding the final season because well, she got what was coming to her. Abusing a dog, Les Girls, etc.
But when Dana died and they were all talking about their memories and she was just like “oh yeah, I hooked up with her once.” THAT is the thing you need to share right now? Your one night of terrible sex? Siiiiigh.
There was one point where I wanted to storm out. But I can’t, because I need to be the adult, since Matt refuses to treat me like one.
I thought part of being grown up is that you force yourself to get along with people you don’t like. You just suck it up and deal. You accept the fact that there are some people in the world you aren’t going to mesh well with. There’s a good chance that at some point you’ll end up working with somebody you don’t like, but everybody’s life is a hell of a lot easier if you just act civil. Apparently nobody taught Matt this. He doesn’t like me, and he makes it very clear. Not just to me, but also to everybody else. It’s a hostile working environment for me, and it makes me upset which then affects my interactions with everybody else.
I’ve briefly considered quitting, because it’s not like I’m getting paid for this… so there is nothing that makes it worth it for me to continue, you know? But I can’t, because I have to be the adult. I have to push through in a shitty environment because I have to prove to him that I can take it. And I’ll be better off for it in the future… right? I make it through this show - which only goes to mid-October - and then I’m under no obligation to ever work with him again, and both of us can go on our merry ways.
Knowing that doesn’t make it hurt less right now though.
AND THEN coming home and seeing images on my tumblr dashboard, like a gif of the plane hitting the first tower on 9/11 - that might not ordinarily upset me as much as it did, but on top of everything else tonight it did not help. And a photo of a woman who was hanged?! It never occurred to me that I need to add hanging to my tumblr savior. It’s just something I never thought I would see here. A good friend of mine killed herself by hanging nearly seven years ago and I still can’t look at a picture like that, or watch a hanging scene in a movie (in fact, I can’t even watch Girl, Interrupted at all - because of the one scene)… it’s a really terrible trigger for me. So… I’m making this post, and then I’m closing tumblr for the evening, because odds are, I’ll see more shit that sets me off.
Today I went to an old friend’s house to meet her new son; he is 3 months old. While I was there, I leaned over his crib to look at him, at which point he chose to grab my breast. Felt objectified and insulted; I am very disappointed in the media culture which could lead a child to believe this is acceptable behavior.
I understand them. Heck, I imagine I’d have a ton, if I ever cared enough to count them. I truly do have parts of my life experience that, when remembered or contemplated, bring me to relive them with the full force of the original incident.
But in my honest (and most likely unpopular) opinion, trigger warnings are bullshit.
I think that one of the worst parts of negative emotions is that people allow those emotions to take control of their entire being. I hope I don’t sound like a sociopath or some kind of heartless bitch, but mind over matter. If you give permission for yourself to be taken over by something that may offend/trigger/affect you, then you run the risk of being offended/triggered/affected by that thing. When I was early in my transition and just starting to use the men’s bathroom, I made a pledge to myself that I wouldn’t use the women’s bathroom at all. And I didn’t. Because it wasn’t an option. That didn’t mean it doesn’t still freak me the fuck out every single time I use the men’s bathroom, but I accepted my anxiety and did what I needed to do, working through the anxiety every day.
If you’re on the internet and you find yourself being negatively effected by text/images, only you can get over that. Sheltering yourself from the outside world doesn’t work, you have to protect yourself on the inside. If you have a huge problem with triggers, it isn’t the trigger that is causing the issue, it’s the underlying issue. If we all tip-toed around each other with every single thing of ours that is triggering, we wouldn’t be able to do or say anything ever!
I recently saw a post that contained a list of movies for those with emetophobia (fear of vomiting) to avoid. And this list was HUGE! You can’t just isolate yourself from everything that bothers you, you need to just spend more time than others to work through it. News flash: if you are afraid of transportation, and so you don’t go to visit your friends, it’s your own fault for not seeing your friends! I guess I don’t understand why people think that a fear or aversion to something means they cannot experience that thing… no, it means for you, experiencing that thing is more complex than for others.
[Obviously there are things completely out of our control (I’m not saying that a victim of abuse could have done anything to prevent the abuse or that they shouldn’t feel horribly that the abuse occurred), but the survivor can do something so much more powerful: not let that experience rule their lives.]
aaaaand now I sound like a dick. and I probably make no sense. cool.
[tw: rape] AWWWW, CUTE. “Mind over matter!” Like I’ve never heard that one before.
Listen, as wonderful it is that you don’t need trigger warnings, guess what? Your experiences are not universal. Claiming that just because you personally don’t feel the need to use trigger warnings no one else should is so self-centered and ridiculous, I don’t even know where to begin.
…Oh wait, yes I do.
Hi, I’m Rita. We’ve never met but let me tell you a few things about: two years ago I was in an abusive relationship with a man nearly twice my age and he violently raped me four times. I already had a history of mental illnesses (anxiety, depression, depersonalization disorder) and after that I got to add a new name to the list of labels my psychiatrists gave me: posttraumatic stress disorder. Here’s the funny little thing about PTSD: it’s not a choice. As in, it’s not a choice to develop or to over-come. As in, telling me that I’m simply not trying hard enough to stop the flashbacks and the nightmares and the anxieties and the panic attacks is a load of bullshit because no matter how hard I try it isn’t possible for me to solve this by myself.
Unless you’ve been in the situation where the slightest casual mention of rape made you physically sick and between the crying so hard you start vomiting and the migraines that occur because you’re shaking so hard that you can’t walk back to your bedroom and end up slamming your head into a solid wood floor you can’t even consider thinking of a way to calm yourself down or even think in general and you’ve actually somehow miraculously got over it before it continued on for hours to days, then you can’t fucking tell me you understand what I’m going through and that you truly believe that your opinions on it are based on actual fact or anything other than your dismissal of the severity of mental illnesses because your head is shoved so far up your ass the possibility that you actually ARE NOT AN EXPERT ON EVERYTHING can’t process.
Tell me, please, how I’m supposed to magically calm myself down when I’m triggered when it usually results in me passing out? (Wait, don’t tell me, I’m just not trying hard enough to be conscious, right?)
Tell me how you think I don’t deserve to not have this happen to me because it’s my fault I have flashbacks so fucking vivid that sometimes the only option is to sedate myself because they’ve driven me to the point of attempting suicide before.
Tell me how you expect me to hear someone tell me I’m only living in complete and utter fear because I’m too lazy to get over it and feel anything even remotely better than disgusted.
Tell me how the fact that having to type out 14 fucking letters (T R I G G E R - W A R N I N G) is more of a hassle for you than it is for me to not be able to function properly for days.
Tell me how you honestly think it’s my fault that I’m suffering from a mental illness that’s almost killed me on multiple occasions and hey, while we’re at it let’s tell people in wheelchairs they’re just not trying hard enough to walk, and people with learning disabilities that they’re just not trying hard enough to learn, and hey, while we’re at it let’s find those annoying as fuck people in comas and tell them to wake the fuck up already and to stop being so lazy and to just pull themselves up by the bootstraps because it’s ridiculous for them to force everyone else to have to work around their disabilities! God, how selfish could they be?
TL;DR: lol your lack of understanding of how mental illnesses and disorders actually work is both horrifying and hilarious because on one hand your opinions have actual negative effects on people and telling someone with a mental illness that it’s they’re fault they feel this way could make them feel isolated and could fuel their self-hatred which is dangerous as all hell but on the other hand you’re just so pathetic i couldn’t help but giggle at your silly attempt at existence oh wait, was that mean? man, i really should mind my manners more often, shouldn’t i?
No, but seriously, this is why you should use trigger warnings and be careful what you say, guys.
stop treating me like i’m stupid. i don’t understand why you people act like i’m completely incapable. i know how to do my job. i know how to follow cues. this isn’t my first time closing a (goddamn) door. i don’t need three different people to tell me a thing. i don’t need to be reassured that you’ll be on headset so you can tell me when to do my shit. i KNOW how to do my shit. do i really give off an air of incompetence?
maybe i act like i don’t CARE, but the only reason i act like i don’t care is because you all treat me like i’m stupid, and i have a hard time dealing with that. so i keep to myself because i don’t want to talk to you. but i AM following along, i DO know what’s happening. no i don’t have a degree in stage management like she does, but she went to radford so is it really worth more than my experience? (ps, it’s not really a degree in stage management, it’s a degree in theatre, they don’t have a specific SM program)
i don’t want her job. i’m glad i’m not in charge. but i don’t like being disrespected and treated like a child. and i sure as fuck don’t like being my director’s scapegoat.
“Just in response to the confession about how unrealistic the play was - like the timing and whatnot… Our school receives their parts on Friday for our musical, and has music, sound cues, choreography, sets, props, costumes, and everything done by November. So two months and 2 weeks. It’s really not that unrealistic if your cast and crew is really dedicated.”—
in defense of that confessor Degrassi didn’t really have a huge crew or cast or anything but you are right that’s about how long our school takes
Oh, adorable. Ten weeks? My show will be closed and struck before we hit ten weeks of working on it. Tonight is rehearsal #9. We have 12 more before opening. Closing night is 8 weeks after the first rehearsal.
I speak now, Pottermore, directly to you. You have permitted my friends to enter your site rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in my inbox. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given me my email, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Pottermore, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour.
“Anyway, I got this one fan email, and I think I might have mentioned this before, but it was from this guy. He was like ‘I’m a straight conservative Dad from Montana and I had no idea that you were gay. And it doesn’t make me rethink my opinion of you, I’ve been a fan since episode one. But it makes me rethink my opinion of myself.’”—Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen in this great interview.
Oh man lol and now her friend is all “I hate when conservative bitches (LOLWUT I’M CONSERVATIVE FOR ADVOCATING PLAN B BECAUSE OF RAPE SITUATIONS? THAT’S LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF CONSERVATIVE) talk to random strangers because they don’t know their place”. GOOD JOB USING MORE MISOGYNISTIC LANGUAGE. And also telling me that I should only talk about sex positivity to people who I know.
see…. i’m glad i didn’t message her. i don’t have the energy for that kind of bullshit. thanks for trying though.